Overcoming The Darkness

There are moments in life where I have felt worthless, and lying in my bed one night as a teenager soon after I came to Christ, I was in one of those moments, where I believed wholeheartedly in my own personal worthlessness, and general depravity. I was in a dorm room and whilst being surrounded by people felt truly alone. This loneliness had been around me for sometime, increasing its intensity and then lessening as was its way.

In the week that I had given my life to Christ, a woman who we shall called Amanda gave me a cassette tape of a christian country singer, Don Francisco. Lying in my bed that night I reached for my Sony Walkman (iPods hadn’t been invented in the early 90s) I inserted the tape and pressed the play button receiving that reassuring click as my music was piped into my ear phones.

There was one song that struck me, there lying in the darkness, it was as though this bloke was singing directly to me, lyrics that fitted with my emotional state. The song Beautiful To Me, is the story of the woman who knelt before Jesus, tear stained and retched seeking Gods grace. As she wiped his feet with her hair, Jesus forgave, restored and renewed her, and she never heard the condemnation of the hosts in her heart, for Gods grace had filled her heart and protected it from the spears and barbs of the human tongue.

The song led me into Gods presence, a feeling of love I will never forget, an awareness that no matter how literally dark the world can be, the light and love of God can will and does break through.

Did this mean my first year as a Christian got easier? Actually no, it got a lot worse. But I had discovered a friend and I listened to that track of music over and over and over, for it sustained me. I didn’t have access to the bible, and so the song became my teaching, my window into the things of God and what I’d discovered was that he loved me, knew me and was my friend, no matter what hell I was about to step into, he would be there.

Could he have stopped my hardship it? Yes, do I blame him for not stopping it? Not now, because I have grown from it, I have a deeper compassion and awareness of personal hell than I would otherwise have done. And I hope can offer the love and grace I received from God to others who do not have a song, let alone awareness of a God in whose image we each are made.

To you, who are in a fight of your life and are lying on the train tracks of life waiting for the train, or you who are in your own private hell. My prayer is for you today, lean not in your own understanding, but in the one who sees the bigger picture, the beginning and end, and loves you, really loves you, so much that no matter what’s happened, wherever you have been or ended up, His grace is always bigger, more expansive more powerful than the darkness.

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  1. Pingback: Offer Hope Not Criticism | GodLifeChurch

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